I was sitting down to write the next “right” article for you, only to realize something very important; something I believe every single human must admit at some point in their life if they want to live a sane life. With my coffee to my right, a stack of books to my left, and an empty screen in front of me I realized…
I have no idea what I’m doing.
If we are going to continue in this writer/reader/co-pilgrims-through-life relationship, there is something you should know about me.
I have moments where everything is beautiful, nothing is impossible, and life is FUN!!!
And then I have days where everything is meaningless and there’s nothing I can do about the existential dread that follows us wherever we go.
The past couple of weeks have fit more into the latter category.
Yes, I took a week off to rest and celebrate Thanksgiving with my families.
Yes, I wrote last week about turning 30 because it was an important moment in my life.
But if we’re being honest, I took a minor break both those weeks (and posted this one late) because every time I sit down to write I think to myself,
“What the hell am I doing?”
And the struggle is more than just a blank screen.
It’s a struggle for purpose,
A struggle for connection,
A struggle for value.
Some days the only part of Kurtis I am able to hear is the part that says,
“You have no friends.
You aren’t making any money.
No one cares about your writing.
You have no idea what you’re doing.
You can’t even get organized enough to publish every week.
You are no one.”
That part of Kurtis is a REALLY FUN GUY!
I believe wholeheartedly that this is a fight that every person on our planet fights within themselves, in one way or another. So I absolutely do not think I am different or uniquely plagued by self-doubt and destruction.
But I’m sharing this with you to tell you this:
KurtisVanderpool.com is headed for some changes, so it may get a little unpredictable around here for a while.
I am doing some soul work and talking with God–and with those who love me–about the reason I write, and the message I hope to convey.
I believe at the heart of my work what I really want to say is,
“You are not alone.
Anyone can connect with God.
Anyone can connect with their most authentic and gracious self.
Anyone can connect with others.
You are not alone.”
So I am taking a step back to evaluate, prepare, and travel each step with thoughtful intentionality (rather than just having an idea and promising it to you right out of the gate…like my Complete Guide to Connecting with God that still needs much work before it’s ready).
I hope you will be patient with me in this process.
I believe it is a good thing because it actually helps me remember all the ways God has gifted me to connect with people,
and if nothing else, I want to do that part well.
Lastly, and most importantly
I NEED YOUR HELP!
If we truly are going to help people connect with God, with themselves, and with others, then we need to hear from more people than just Kurtis Vanderpool (that guys super weird anyway).
I would HIGHLY value your feedback. So hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org, or just leave a comment here letting me know what questions and struggles you have had, or are currently experiencing in
Just being human
etc., etc., etc.
If there’s any subject, experience, or thought you would like to dive into, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
I promise none of your information or questions will leave my inbox. They will simply give me some places to start.
Thank you so much for your continued support of me and the work I believe God has called me to, and thank you for your understanding during this revamping.
I say it a lot, but it’s probably because I really mean it:
I couldn’t do this without you.
Keep rolling man, don’t stop! I like the approach. One topic of interest is confronting the complexity of an authentic relationship with God and self. Trusting experiences and an innate “feeling” of something bigger than one’s self, while aiming to intelligently evaluate historical facts and contradicting beliefs and perspectives.
Love it! Thanks for the encouragement and the idea! This is kind of where I’m wanting to go. Working and practicing to see God with honest eyes and honest words, see ourselves with honest interpretation rather than judgment or ego, and see others with honest grace and compassion. It is certainly complex, but it’s not even possible if we’re not willing to challenge the way we think and the beliefs we’ve always held. Thanks for the encouragement, Kyle and for always reading!