New Year’s Resolutions: are you just putting more pressure on yourself?

Written By Kurtis Vanderpool

I'm a Certified Life Coach working to help people live healthier, happier, and more helpful lives. Whether is deconstructing your faith, navigating a relationship, or just the difficulties of adulting, I have over 10 years experience coaching people to create lives they love!

January 10, 2020







I love New Years Resolutions.



It doesn’t matter how many times I look up in December and basically hate myself for all the ways I failed my resolutions that year…


by the time January 1 rolls around, I’m dreaming, scheming, and of course, talking about all the ways my life is going to

“get better THIS YEAR!”


New Year’s Resolutions are beautiful.


In a world where negativity is literally one click of the TV remote away, New Year’s Resolutions are the sacred ground of new beginnings, wide-open possibilities, and even wider-eyed optimism about the future.


But there is one thing about New Year’s Resolutions that I don’t love, and it often goes unnoticed by the majority of us.


Without careful attention, New Year’s Resolutions can quickly become just another way we are telling ourselves:


I am not enough.


new year's resolutions

new year’s resolutions: putting too much pressure on yourself



Think about it, what are your resolutions this year?


To lose weight?

To exercise more?

To finally land that big promotion or start your own business?


Goals are great because they keep our eyes up toward the possibilities, but that also means they are often birthed out of places within us that feel lacking; places that feel like

“If I could just make more money, or if I was just 2 inches thinner, then my life would really be good instead of this dumpster fire it’s turning out to be currently!”


A huge part of Perfected In Love is this word




Grace is something we all talk about, something we all believe in, and something we like to think we are good at,


but truth be told it’s a very rare thing to meet a person who has an actual, genuine, healthy relationship with the word grace,

and even more rare that they have grace toward themselves.


So I want to offer a helpful practice to add to your list of New Year’s Resolutions this year,

a practice that may help add some grace to your goals as you dive into 2020.


If you have your resolutions written down somewhere I invite you to go grab them and place them in front of you.

If you haven’t written them down, then WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?! DO YOU EVEN WANT TO CHANGE????


Just kidding.


But for real, if you haven’t written down your New Year’s Resolutions, write them down now so you can have them in front of you and you can look at the path to the new you in 2020.



Now, I want to encourage you to look at each resolution individually and ask yourself one question:


Is this coming from a place that says “I’m not enough as I am?”


Then, at the end of each resolution I want you to erase or cover up the period at the end of the sentence with a “, but”


and after that “, but”, I want you to write a counter statement;
a counter statement that is rooted in relationship with a loving, and gracious God;

a counter statement that comes from a place of grace, love, and radical acceptance of you as you are, right now!


Some examples might be:

  • “I will lose 20 pounds this year, but I am beautifully made and wanted just as I am”
  • “I will finally reach my goal at work, but God takes care of me and I have all that I need right now”
  • “I will fight for change against social injustices, but I trust the goodness of God and His ability to heal the world around me.”


Don’t confuse your dreams or goals with being a better you.

Jesus calls you “Friend,” “Beloved,” and even “perfect.”

You have always been the best you there ever was,


but along with our dreams,


we need a healthy dose of grace for ourselves
in order to live out the best us we can be



right here

right now.



Love you, friends. And happy new year.







As you may or may not know, I am working night and day to follow my dream of building a career writing, speaking, and being a life coach.

Well, for 2020, one of my new year’s resolutions is to finish and (fingers crossed) publish my second book THIS YEAR!


Statistically speaking over 80% of people in America want to write a book, but less than 1% ever actually do.


Many of you have asked me how I wrote my first book, Giving Up Sunday, and how you can get started on yours.


Well, if writing a book, or a blog, or just writing for yourself is something you want to pursue in 2020, I have one CRUCIAL resource that has changed my writing life, and continues to point me in the right direction.



This is an organization of writers, editors, publishers, and generally great people that give me confidence, community, and hundreds of practical next steps to grow as a writer and get my work out there.

They are opening their doors to new members starting next week!


This only happens twice a year so if you have any interest in writing and could use a little boost or some practical tips, go check them out here or sign up for their free webinar next week!

Thank you, friend. I do what I do for and because of wonderful people like you. I look forward to connecting with you more!




Live a Healthier, Happier Life
one change at a time.

Complete my LIFE ASSESSMENT guide and get started living a healthier, happier life today!



How to Become Happier - Kurtis Vanderpool Life Coach

Work with a Life Coach who gets it. Schedule a meeting with Kurtis today!

Live a Healthier, Happier Life
one change at a time.

Complete my LIFE ASSESSMENT guide and get started living a healthier, happier life today!


Work with a Life Coach who gets it. Schedule a meeting with Kurtis today!

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