Relationships are really not that difficult.

They are complex.

There are a lot of convoluted twists and turns. Tricky backroads of learning to understand and serve another human being.

Relationships are complex because people are. People contain galaxies within them.

Relationships are complex, but they are not difficult.

Relationships are not difficult.

They are hard.

There is much painful tearing and repairing when you weave your life with another’s’ to create a new tapestry.

Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done. It takes consistent, and perhaps even constant work to put aside the dreams in my head for the love in my heart.

Though the life we are creating is worth every sacrifice, it is hard to give up things I have envisioned since childhood.

Relationships are hard, but they are not difficult

Relationships are not difficult.

They are complex. They are hard. They are even crushing at times.

But they are also invigorating.

They are grounding.

They are like being born and given the chance to grow up all over again. They are a second childhood…only quicker and–if it’s even possible–messier.

But relationships are not difficult.

What is difficult is uncovering your deeply buried insecurities,

for these are at the root of almost every difficulty in relationships.

Communicating with the one you love is already hard because we all see the world entirely differently.

But what makes communication truly difficult, and poor communication dangerous to a relationship, are all the nefarious insecurities patiently waiting for that one word,

that single tone of voice,

that raised eyebrow before they spring into action, attacking your brain and digging its claws into the neurons that scream,

“She doesn’t respect you!”

“He thinks you’re an idiot!”

“She regrets marrying you!”

“No one will ever understand you!”

“You are all alone.”

“You’re not good enough.”

So if you are desperate to build something of beauty in your relationship, forgo the fancy dinners and the romantic getaways for a while.

Right now–and just about every day–the most important thing you can do for the health of your relationships is to calmly approach your insecurities with another narrative.

With great patience, tenderness, and love for the child inside of you, to remind your insecurities that what created that pain was unfair.

It was mean.

It was hard.

But it was also never truly about you.

The things people said to you,
the reasons people abandoned you,
they were always about their own pain,

not about you.

You are beautiful

and you are loved.

If you can do this slow, gentle work with yourself and help your partner with their own healing…

the relationship is really not that difficult.

It is more like two kids with the best friend in the world, playing house and growing up.

Do the work.

Don’t be afraid to unveil your insecurities and expose the lies they tell you every day.

When you do this, you have better material with which to weave your life to another.