I don’t know where I am these days.

Church is repulsive to me, as is most rhetoric of western Christianity.

I feel completely lost in Christianity .

Yet,

there is still a presence within me.

It is what keeps me sane. What makes me happy, confident, and content.

Like napping in the middle of a storm.

I believe it is the spirit and presence of Jesus, but just calling it so brings too many unfortunate connections and Christian baggage, and again…

the revulsion comes.

I am in NO way trying to be Ex Christian or Anti Christian.

Just the opposite in fact.

I am looking for ways to stay one, but it feels like nothing is working and I cannot, WILL NOT pretend that I don’t feel what I feel.

I can only be authentic, humble, open, and trust that the God and friend I have known for 20+ years will be the faithful one.

He will make a way.

Until then…

I don’t know where I am these days.

But I think that’s alright for now.

Lost in Christianity Deconstruction