Full quote:

“Friends and family don’t understand that we have changed not out of hatred for Jesus, the Bible, or the church, but out of love for it. One of the reasons people are angry at the church right now is because we love the church…it is a part of us.”


This has been one of the hardest things for me to convey, largely because it took me years to figure it out.


I, and so many others, feel so strongly about how church is done because it is so much a part of who we are. Because we love it.

And we want better for it.


After writing my first book, Giving Up Sunday, I had a friend ask to meet with me to talk about it. He was currently working in a church and loving every minute of it. I was terrified that he was going to be upset. I was afraid he was going to distance himself from me. Instead, the first thing he said was

“It is so obvious in your book how much you absolutely love the church”


I started crying.


Do not mistake people’s anger about church, faith, or theological disagreements as hatred. It’s more likely the exact opposite. It’s more likely they love the church and the people in it (including you) and struggle with how to say it well.

If you are angry with the church, do not mistake your anger and frustration at the system with anger toward people. Remember how much you love them and want the best for them,

then let love and committed relationship tell you how to navigate the frustrations.


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